Myrnin Gets a Cat
by Formetoknowandyoutonot
Summary: A brawl, a kitten and a weird story about Myrnin. What more could you want? Seriously, it's weird. But please R&R! Crackfic for PhantasmagoricalPandemonium.


Myrnin Gets a Cat

Claire walked clumsily down the steps into Myrnin's lab. At 6 o'clock. In the morning. On her day off. Normally she would have refused, but he had told her "it (whatever "it" was) is of great importance" and "possibly the greatest event to occur in his life!" So she had gone. He had just seemed so excited on the phone, how could she abstain? Besides, the prospect of something that excited Myrnin was just too...exciting! She just had to see what it was. And she soon found out.

She had barely set foot on the lab floor before Myrnin appeared out of nowhere, dashing towards her at an inhuman speed, stopping only centimetres away from her face. "CLAIRE! You _must _ come and see! Look, look!" And with that he ran off(actually, it was more like skipping)to kneel in front of an armchair. Aforementioned chair, however, was facing away from Claire, and towards a fireplace that she could have sworn was not there the day before. Unable to see why Myrnin was so thrilled, she assumed the worst:

"Bob didn't lay eggs or an egg sack or anything...did he?"

"What? No! No, of course not stupid girl! Bob is most assuredly male!" He glanced towards the cage resting on a bookshelf, "I think." Claire snorted, not at all comforted. "Hmmm, " he looked towards Claire, "I was rude just then wasn't I? Oh sincerest apologies there, Claire dearest. I assure you, you are quite in-OOH! I made a rhyme! Claire and there! Oh do forgive my incessant babbling, this is just so..._fantastic!_" He said all this at a very high speed, one, in fact, that rivaled that of Eve's speech. He was also grinning more, if not as, broadly than a young child on Christmas morning who had gotten precisely what they had asked for. And Claire had to admit, it was mildly frightening. But curiosity got the best of her and she approached (though quite apprehensively, mind you) and there, sitting on the armchair, curled into a little ball of fluff, staring at her and Myrnin with great, wide, wondering eyes, was of all things, a kitten. she continued to stare in disbelief for a moment before squealing in delight, "OHEMGEE(note, she actually said 'O M G'. As in the letters. That girl has terrible vocabulary for one so brilliant)," she yelled, about three octaves higher than usual, "Myrnin, where did you _get _ him?"

"Well you see," he began, repositioning himself to face Claire, "It was 11:11, so naturally I made a wish-" but then Claire, the being the rude little thing she is, cut him off.

"Waitwaitwaitwaitwait, where and when did you learn the 'make a wish at 11:11 concept?" she asked, rather bewildered.

"Dame, I beg you! I invented that concept. Now, if you'll allow me to continue...?" she didn't respond, so he did, "Anywho, I made a wish the previous night-" and there she went, interrupting yet again!

"Can't you just say last night?"

"If you have a problem with my speech habits, address it later. Now may I finish the story?" Once again she did not reply, so once again, he continued, "at eleven minutes past the eleventh hour, I made a wish. And this morning, a bit before you arrived, lo and behold, there stood Roderick!" He then turned to face the kitten Roderick again, and began whispering promises of milk, mice, catnip and anything a kitten could possibly want into his ear.

"So let me get this straight, you made a wish at 11:11. " He nodded. "For a kitten."

"Heavens no! I wished for the improvement of today's public school systems. They are becoming rather horrid, you know."

"But if you didn't wish for a kitten why'd you-" but she stopped in mid-sentence as another thought crossed her mind. You see, what with the early hour and being in the presence of something so, so very adorable, she was as lacking of attention span as she was height. "Did you just call the kitten 'Roderick'?"

"Yes. That's his name, silly girl."

"Myrnin," she began exasperatedly, "you can't name a kitten 'Roderick'."

"Yes you can, of course you can, I just did." he insisted, placing his hands upon his hips, just for good measure. He then leant forward and asked a bit timidly, "About that, what would one name a kitten?" Claire sighed.

"I don't know, Myrnin...'Mittens' or something?" Myrnin then jumped to his feet and clapped his hands together,

"Then he shall be Mittens! Wait, no. That's a horrible name, Claire! What if your parents named you 'Pants' or 'Glove' or 'Brassiere'? Are those the sort of names you would give your child? Because, right now, I think it is and I pity all children you should ever have. That's right. I pity them."

"Myrnin, we will name the kitten 'Mittens'."

"Roderick."

"Mittens."

"Roderick!"

"Mittens!"

"RODERICK!"

"FREAKING MITTENS!"

"MITTENS RODERICK CONWY!" he finally yelled, and the added, "the fourth." Now, where Mittens Rodrick Conwy I, II and III had gone, assuming they ever existed, no one will know. But that hardly matters because as they were talking and bickering and being typical Myrnin and Claire, all the commotion caused Mittens Roderick Conwy IV to wander about.

oO0Oo

In doing so, he stumbled upon Claire's phone. To be specific, it stumbled upon, in this order, buttons '2' and 'call'. This particular sequence caused the phone to call Eve Rosser, Claire's speed dial number two. Eve said something along the lines of 'Hey CB'. Mittens Roderick Conwy mewed. Eve leaped to the conclusion that Myrnin had somehow transformed Claire into a cat and immediately recruited the male members of the house and hopped in the car, on her way to rescue the poor kitten...Claire...Claire kitten? Kitten Claire? Clairtten? Clairtten. Heh. This made her chuckle, which earned her a confused and slightly angry stare from Michael and Shane. Along the way the three decided to get Amelie and Oliver involved. They all used Michael's sedan. Needless to say it was a very uncomfortable car ride.

oO0Oo

Back at the lab, Myrnin had just made the brilliant discovery that Mittens Roderick Conwy IV's initials were M.R. Conwy, or Mister Conwy, when a seething Shane, a sniveling Shreve or Eve or what have you, a mad(angry) Michael, and amused Amelie and also Oliver who truly just didn't care about it burst in. Meanwhile mad(delightfully insane) Myrnin paid them no heed, scooping M.R. Conwy up and shoving him towards Amelie, so close to her face that the tiny thing was able to lick her nose, causing her to go into a sneezing fit. She's _veeeery _ allergic. Claire just gave everyone an awkward "Hello".

"Look at him Amelie! Isn't he marvelous! Almost as lovely as our little Claire!" And that one tiny statement was how Myrnin lost M.R. Conwy IV. You see, Claire hated being referred to as 'little' or by any possessive term, so this angered her. Also, Shane disliked Myrnin, he disliked other people referring to Claire as theirs, and he disliked her being made upset. Also he was already in quite a rage. Between all this Shane gave a cry of fury and charged Myrnin, tackling him to the ground, which was only possible because Myrnin was A: concerned about the well being of M.R. Conwy IV and B: caught off guard in general. You however shall not fear for M.R. Conwy IV, because before any harm could befall him, Amelie plucked him out of Myrnin's flailing limbs and set him gently by the stairs, sneezing all the while. Point is, Shane and Myrnin had begun to fight. And quite frankly, that is where the train that was doomed to be wrecked went downhill. Michael obviously jumped into the fray to assist his idiot of a best friend. This caused Oliver to jump in because an abnormally strong human and a vampire against an insane vampire concerned about his kitten just wasn't fair. Not that Oliver actually cared, but he figured Amelie would tell him to if he didn't. This left all three women to stare at the mess of men they called their friends and comarades. Eventually Amelie's sneezes stopped. With this, she glanced at Eve. The two shrugged and, with a battle cry, charged each other, adding hair pulling and screams to the ball of punches, kicks and occasional(or frequent)biting. M.R. Conwy IV then decided to leave. Who would want to live with such violent people anyway? Certainly not a kitten. So he trotted up the steps, through the door(left stupidly ajar by Shane)out the alley, down the street and onto Grandma Day's porch, where he resided happily for the rest of his days. And where was Claire in all this, you ask? Why, I think I'll tell you. She was standing in a corner watching everyone fight for her, being her unhelpful, human self.

AN: I know, weird, but whatever. I wanted Myrnin to get a cat and then...this...was born. Ah well, I'd appreciate reviews!

Playlist:

Bedrooms Hymns-Florence + the Machine

Build a House Around Her-James Newton Howard(Peter Pan soundtrack)

Feel the Tide-Mumford and Sons

Portable Television-Death Cab for Cutie

No Sunlight-Death Cab for Cutie

I Like Giants-Kimya Dawson

My Rollercoaster-Kimya Dawson

Happy Slap/Kiss With a Fist-Ashok/Florence + The Machine

Buy these people's music. It rocks.


End file.
